Just another day

It is very difficult to loose any thing of value.

It is especially difficult if the thing is a living breathing object (most difficult being a loved one which is not the content of this entry).

There are some who say a farmer becomes insensitive or callous when it comes to harvesting or culling herds or flock. I believe that it is the realization that the strong preserve the species (profit) and the weak will die sooner (loss). As any good business person knows it is imperative to stay in the black.

So, what do we really have invested and what investment is it worth into any particular aspect of the farm? There are exceptions to every rule. A favorite dog, cat, cow, goat, sow, horse as you can see there is a point to this.

How much does one invest (spend) to save a pet. Being realistic and with children and high taxes to pay and realizing the replacement costs of the original animal I have in my minds eye a very specific target. Others who have disposable income or little outside interests can get carried away with how much they invest in an animal or pet. I have, in the not to distant past, lost my beloved Rottweiler. The vet suggested (fraud in any other form?) that I have him go through chemo and the such to help him live another 6-12 months. The tune was 5000.00. We will run it through your health insurance. I have children the farm and of course where I live and trying to make ends meet. There was no option, on decision, just the heart wrenching guilt that "I didn't love my Rottie" according to the veterinarians implied remarks and termination of Doctor client relations (oh boy a topic for another rant).

It is even more difficult if you have sheltered your children from the experience of death and haven't let them learn how to grieve. The children expect you to spend absorptive amounts of money to "SAVE" whomever the pet is. How can you say no? When do we realize that grief has a price tag? Loneliness has a price tag. I'm sure it is quality of life not quantity of life all of us reach for. Visit an elder care facility and tell me the drugged limp creatures that need to be rolled so they don't develop sores would think their quality of life was wonderful. This is why we have living wills, (pull the plug please).

Reeves (his first name escapes me) who broke his neck in a horse riding accident had the money (disposable income) to maintain a level or quality of life that he felt was acceptable.......or was it his wife and family? Can you imagine the stess, how depressed he was, can't be good for any care taker. When he died (bedsore infection) she died 18 months later (lung cancer). Do you think stress played a roll?

Back to the animals. If you have animals love them and care for them as they deserve. I would highly recommend that you not spend monies that will keep you in debt to save a life whose quality may not be the best. Learn how to grieve and not to guilt. There is a big difference.

So your saying what the heck is this all about you babbling idiot? Well yesterday I spent three hours digging a very large hole for my neighbors rescued Primerian Mare. An animal who had lived an awful life but who's last year was wonderful. An animal of compromised Constitution but never the less loved and cherished. It was obvious (to me anyway) that there was a lot going on with this animal. I am not say she was neglected but she was a large draft type who was an easy keeper, gentle and had given up her head of herd position. The horse knew, the owner didn't. A couple of incidents and conformation issues I noticed but never mentioned. I have been told I am a control freak, obnoxious, over bearing, opinionated, so I now say "well if it were mine this is what I would do" or "I can tell you what I would do if it were mine" (besides your gonna die). This gives people the chance to ask my opinion or not. These days I prefer not.

So end of story. They didn't ask, I didn't tell, just gave the support asked for (OK, maybe a little more). The mare died, I knew she may not have gotten the treatment I would have given her, but to the same end. They are a 1000.00 in the red after making her spend an agonizing night trying to keep her alive.

I dug the hole and buried her. Careful to move the rock from under her head, place her legs in a comfortable position. Cover her with a tarp and put dirt over her to prevent the rocks from hitting her. Every time I bury an animal it seems I relive all the loved ones I have ever lost. It is not the death that brings the tears it is the absence in my heart and hand that bring on renewed grief.

Farming Sadness

Today one of my Junior Does kidded. Not a bad thing but she was early. The Kidds were presented wrong and definitly stressed by the time I got out to help her. There is really no reason why it happend except that the Veal Calf is a bit rammy and could have caused her to go early, had he stepped on her or was overly pushy. The Kidds were small only 2.5 (breached, rear first)and about 5 lbs(head to the side legs presented sideways). My normal Kidd weight is at least six pounds (on the small side with 7.5 average). Should they had gone to term they would only have been just a bit bigger. So neither kidd was saved and I hope I didn't damage the Doe with my large invasive hand that was trying to reposition the kidd, least we loose poor Doe also. She did cry in distress, there was some blood, not tons, both placenta were passed intact.

We finished our animal care by Noon today and the gravity of the morning is having take on my spirit. I will always feel such greif when young don't have a chance or are not given a chance. We do all we can but sometimes it is not the destiny of anyone involved to be sucessful. I pray for the strength given to me at the start to help me put this in perspective. Better a loss in the barn than a loss in the house. Yes, I am grateful for what I have.